I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
