you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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