That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize