Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
