I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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