I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
