A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
