she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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