My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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