Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
