you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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