Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
