well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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