No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
