Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
