Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
