My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
