lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
they need to just BURY HIM!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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