I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
