I wish my penis had an off switch
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
