Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
