One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's shark week go big or go home
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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