her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
