i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
