I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
