Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
