i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
