fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
