if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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