Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
