Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
handjob tips. give me some.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
