just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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