i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
