first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
