Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We have so much sex to catch up on
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
