I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
