Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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