I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
