This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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