Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
