Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
