Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
