OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
