I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
