it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
