that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
