he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you had me at cake vodka
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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