my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
