On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
