eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
