idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
