where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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