i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
