im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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