We're facebook friends in real life
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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