I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
