I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
