I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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