Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Randomize