Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
