he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
