i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
