I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
