Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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