Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Come share oat with me in your robe
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
