My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's blow job season.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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