omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
