I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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