Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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